Title: Broken

Author: Misty4me

Rating: G

Characters: Rodney McKay, Elizabeth Weir, Radek Zelenka, John Sheppard

Summary: This is a post-Trinity fiction dealing with Rodney and Radek’s friendship.

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, and I sure as heck am not making any money off them.

Elizabeth stood on the balcony outside her office and stared at the ocean.  The endless steel gray of the water blended in a seamless line with the gray of the sky until she felt like the world was as empty of color as her heart was right now.  The wind kicked up, blowing her hair into her eyes and a spattering of rain stinging her face. She let the cold from the railing seep in through her hands and into her bones, numbing her before she turned to go back inside.

Rodney showed up exactly on time. Of course he would, he had nothing to distract him at the moment. She’d relieved him of duty after Arcturus. He was under orders to eat, sleep and take care of himself. She’d wanted him at his best before they worked through what happened and how things would have to change. Now, it seemed, that had been done for her and she wasn’t happy but she saw no way out.

“Rodney, come in. Sit.” She smiled at him but they both knew it was her diplomat’s face, the one that she could put on and take off at will.  It fit perfectly, like a well tailored piece of clothing, but it was all for show. It said whatever she wanted it to say about who she was, who they were. The real Elizabeth hadn’t smiled at him since the explosion. He wasn’t sure the real Elizabeth ever would again.

He’d apologized to everyone…her, Radek, John, his staff. They’d all heard him out but that was it. Afterwards he’d gone back to his quarters to do as she’d dictated and that had lasted all of a day. When he’d gone back to the lab he wasn’t there ten minutes before she and John showed up to send him back. Of course they couldn’t know that just being told to sleep wasn’t going to do it. He’d fucked up….bigtime.  One thing he could say for himself, when he was wrong it was on a scale with his genius….and his ego. He really wasn’t sure at this point which was larger. It didn’t matter, really, all that mattered right now was the movie that played in his head non-stop.

Of course just being sent to his room wouldn’t have done it, and they knew it so Sheppard had used his gene to put a conditional lock on the lab doors. Atlantis no longer welcomed him to her labs.  Instead he sat in his room and thought about what happened. When the brooding and not sleeping got him nowhere, he started to walk the city searching for something that even he couldn’t name. Eventually Elizabeth had found out about it and that was why he was here. He sighed in resignation. He was going to be handled until she thought she could trust him again.

“A situation has come up that I’m afraid is going to dictate some changes to the Science Department Rodney.” She held that carefully neutral look with perfect precision, not giving anything away. Rodney knew it was bad. He would take Elizabeth angry and yelling any day, over this. He sat quietly, waiting.

She took in his silence. Rodney was sound and motion. Seeing him quiet like this she stopped for a minute, taking the time to really look at him. He was tired. That much was obvious. Cleaned up and tidy, but still tired to the bone. The small shake of her head at his insubordination escaped before she could stop it. Suddenly this conversation seemed inevitable.

Rodney didn’t try to puzzle out what she meant. What was the point. She’d called him here to tell him and whatever that little shake of the head had been about, it was certain that Elizabeth had him here for a purpose. “You know the Daedalus is heading back to Earth tomorrow?”

 He nodded, “Yes.” Still waiting.

 “Dr. Zelenka has resigned, he will be on it.” Her expression hadn’t flickered, not for one millisecond. She could have been telling him that the Athosians had discovered a new root vegetable on the mainland. The same couldn’t be said of Rodney’s face. She gave him a few seconds to absorb what she’d said and get past the shock. When he opened his mouth to speak, she held up a hand and stopped him.

 “There’s more, Rodney.” Now her façade was cracking. The control was slipping and he saw hints of all sorts of emotions in the set of her jaw and the change in rhythm of her voice. “I ….I’m sending you back as well. If Radek were staying I wouldn’t be doing this, but I don’t ….”

Her voice trailed off and the two of them sat in silence, just looking at each other. “You can’t trust me without him to babysit. I understand.” Rodney stood up to leave, heart pounding, shocked beyond any capacity to think.

“Rodney!”

“It’s been good working with you, Dr. Weir. Good luck here. It’s worth the hard work.” It was said with great dignity and sadness, and then he was gone before she could say anything more. Besides, there wasn’t anything more to say. She knew she’d condemned him to a life of desolation, taken away the big prize that an intellect like his needed to survive. She’d just killed Rodney as surely as if she’d fed him to the Wraith.

When Rodney entered, Radek wasn’t in his quarters, but his bags were packed, sitting on the bed. What was the point of having the gene if you couldn’t use it when you needed to? There were boxes and crates. Funny how they’d all acquired so many mementos despite only bringing one personal item. Still, it wasn’t much to sum up the man. He was a brilliant scientist and he’d been a good friend to Rodney, at least until he’d killed the friendship with his ego. He sighed and placed the laptop and spare hard drives on Radek’s table. The passwords had been changed to Radek’s own. He would be able to access all of Rodney’s data. Atlantis needed one of them to stay.

Back in his quarters it only took a few minutes to pack. He started to gather together all the little momentos that had come to decorate them, some Athosian weavings that he’d liked, rocks from some of the planets they’d visited. He’d found the purple crystals on MRX-539. They were delicate and had reminded him of flowers in the garden outside his grandmother’s house. It was one of the few places he’d felt welcome as a child. The pain momentarily got the better of him and the crystal shattered against the wall. Five minutes later his clothes were packed. He wanted no reminders.

Radek returned to his room, trying to restrain his anger at Elizabeth until he was somewhere private. Damn her! He just wanted to be away from Atlantis and away from Rodney. He’d waited until the last minute to do it because he knew the woman would try everything she could to stop him. Didn’t she understand how hard this was? He was walking away and leaving his soul behind and she was bound and determined to make him pay for it. Eighteen day on the Daedalus with Rodney. How could she do this to him?

He slammed his hand against the door lock and started to curse in Czech. Good thing no one could hear him, good thing no one else spoke Czech. He cursed Elizabeth, cursed her meddling, cursed Rodney McKay and his ego and the friendship the he’d thought they had. All the insults and snark hadn’t meant anything because in a crunch, Rodney always knew what was real, and Radek’s genius was real. They were peers, partners, they worked together, finished each other’s thoughts and sentences. Yes, Rodney was smarter, but he’d never treated Radek like it mattered, like Rodney thought he was inferior because of it. Not until Arcturus.  No, now he knew that it had all been an illusion, wishful thinking on his part. Rodney had no respect for him, whatever he had thought was friendship had apparently been something else. Fine, let Rodney have the playground to himself.

He felt empty.

The laptop and hard drives on his desk startled him. He was sure he’d packed everything for transport back to SGC. He looked more closely and saw the neat labels in Rodney’s script. Rodney had been here and left these. He frowned. He recognized the scratches on the laptop case. What were these doing here? He picked up the computer and opened the top. A piece of paper fluttered out.

Atlantis needs one of us here.

He stared at it in shock then logged in and entered his password under Rodney’s user name. The man had given him access to everything. He wandered through the files, reading, sometimes muttering at Rodney’s foolishness, other times gasping at his insight.

Radek found himself at Rodney’s door, pounding to be let in. Eventually he threatened to go get Sheppard and that finally did it. The door slid open. Rodney was sitting on the balcony, his bag next to him. Radek took in the room, nothing packed, the shards of crystal on the floor, drawers empty. Rodney was taking nothing and it made sense because Rodney McKay would never be able to live with the reminders of what he’d thrown away.

He stood in the doorway to the balcony, the chill air making him shiver. It didn’t seem to bother Rodney. “Is still 12 hours before we leave. You plan on sitting here the whole time?” The sight of the single bag pulled at him.

“Obviously you got my note. You’re not going.” Rodney felt flat. He had shut away the part of him that cared because it would be impossible any other way. He’d been good at that once, but not so good now. Not after a year of working and dying with people.

“I have resigned.” Radek knew it wasn’t an answer. It was a piece of paper and Elizabeth would lose it if asked.

“They won’t make it without one of us here. They need you to stay.” Back held rigid, containing no hint of emotion, he would not let anyone see what this was doing to him.

“They will have Kavanaugh” He watched Rodney’s jaw tighten.

“They’ll die.”

“They can send Carter.” Radek said it quietly. He knew Stargate Command would if both he and Rodney left. And Atlantis would be as safe as if either of them were here. Sam was smart and creative, just like Rodney, just like him.

“Atlantis needs someone who knows her. Someone she knows.” Rodney turned briefly to face the smaller man. All the pain showed in his eyes. “Please stay Radek. I can’t….I …You’re the only one I trust to keep her, to keep them safe.”

Turning back to look out over the water, Rodney slid the door to the balcony shut between them trapping the Czech on the inside. Radek looked out through the glass and watched as everything that was Rodney drained out of the man standing with his face to the wind.

The city PA system announced a final call for boarding the Daedalus. Rodney picked up his bag and began the long walk to the Gateroom. He would transport up and the ship would be in hyperspace within minutes. He kept his eyes on the floor, needing every shred of control he had. People stopped in the corridor and watched him go. It wasn’t any secret that he was being sent home in disgrace. If he had looked up he might have seen the sadness on their faces.

Radek was standing there with Elizabeth and John.  There seemed to be a lot of extra personnel in the Gateroom for mid day, but he supposed that it made sense. People needed closure, many would need to see him leave before they could relax and feel safe.

“I have something for you Rodney.” It was Radek who spoke, not Elizabeth or John. Apparently neither was inclined towards fond farewells. Then John smiled at him and reached out to take Rodney’s bag, which was confusing. Radek dropped a heavy, cloth-wrapped object into his hands. He had no idea how to respond, so he stared, uncharacteristically quiet.

“It is tradition to unwrap gift when given.” Everyone, it seemed, was walking on eggshells. Zelenka’s voice was carefully noncommittal. Rodney did as he was told pulling back the folds. Inside was another of the purple crystals from MRX-539. He looked at it and frowned.

 “I don’t understand.”

“Yours broke. You need new one.” Radek wrapped his hand around the crystal and pressed it into Rodney’s chest.

“I…I don’t understand.” And it was true. Genius though he was, he had no idea what was going on.

“For smart man, you are very stupid sometimes.” Radek scowled at him, but relented when he saw how much those words hurt. “Bah, so am I. Rodney, you give me Atlantis, now I give her back.”

 John and Elizabeth exchanged looks and she nodded. He turned to leave the Gateroom with Rodney’s bag while Elizabeth threaded her arm through  Rodney’s and led him out. Radek walked on the other side, smiling at the stunned look on his colleague’s face. “Elizabeth, I think we have finally done the impossible, Rodney McKay is speechless.”